Just a phase.

I know. Havent blog for ages.
Just feel so pointless to put down all my thoughts and feelings in here.
So many things had happened. Moved to Cheras, got more and more emo. Probably due to the fact that i have nobody there.

Roommate is ok, very quiet, mind her own business. Barely talk to her. Other housemates are the same. Everyone just mind their own business.
We have our own everything, toilet tissue, dishwasher, detergents etc. Can you imagine 10 people living the house and there's 10 detergents? 10 dishwasher? 10 toilet rolls. 10 everything.

Doesn't help that i had cold wars with my uni friends recently, but things are at least better now. On talking terms but not exactly talking laughing.

Didn't intend to blog about all that cos my blog is already very gloomy but today is just the final straw. I've always thought that no matter what happens there, i'll still have my loyal friends back home, but today something happened and it just hit me. Well, i know that i'll still have good, true and loyal friends but today, i felt like i just lost one.

I feel like i'm nobody to someone important back home. Someone whom i thought will always be a shoulder to cry on and that i can rely on. But today, it just hit me, and i finally realised what others had been trying to tell me. It's not as if it's a sudden realisation from god etc but something happened today.
What i'm feeling right now is like Rihanna's Rehab.

'Cause anytime that you needed me
I'd be there
It's like You were my favorite drug
The only problem is That you was using me
In a different way That I was using you

Yea. I felt i've been used. When that someone ask me to accompany, the very moment itself i said yes, regardless of what i was doing or going to do. But when i ask, i got a reply of one word sms "Later" and i replied, "huh? What time?"
and then no more. No more reply. Got me thinking and waiting, what is this supposed to mean?

3-4 hours later, a call came from that person and in the background, i could hear joyous laughter and all that was said was "i replied to the wrong person". And that person wasn't even apologetic, but infact was laughing!

Maybe i'm being emotional here but when i think back, i realised it's not the first time. Time and time again, that person backed out on me the very last minute. I realised that whenever that person need someone, i'm always there. In a minute.

But it's the opposite with me. That person is always not there when i need someone. I always make excuses for that person. Maybe just too busy, or didnt notice etc but today just proved i'm wrong all these while.

I seriously hope i'm wrong cos i dont wanna lose a good friend. Felt like i've already lost my uni friends, and now this. Friends are getting lesser and lesser.

Hm...i'm hoping this is just a growing phase for me. A phase for me to learn things, understand things and hopefully, this phase would be better soon. Keep on telling myself, this will past, it's all just a process of growing emotionally. This WILL past.

Soon hopefully.