2009

A few more days and there goes 2009. Looking back at my older posts, so much had happened this year.

2009 has been my most emotional year so far. Learned how to deal with my emotions and my needs. I finally knew what and who is right for me and rediscovered true friendship all over again. Sorry for the emotional rantings here but please allow me to be emotional for one last time in 2009.

Discover clubs and sad to say, i don't like it that much. Usually only go when i had problems plaguing me and just want to drink to forget it.

Found out my family is somewhat dysfunctional but which family is perfect? I'm blessed to have a family to begin with :) . What more with great sis, bros and parents. I love all 5 of you! :D

Moved out of home to cheras so it's nearer to uni and hated it. In that period of time, got so emotional, most probably due to loneliness.

Learned basic Japanese cos sis drag me along with her. But it was nice to know some basic greetings and all. Just hope i wont forget them all.

Moved home to another part of shah alam, lost my handphone AGAIN, got a new lappie, and best of all, met many new friends! I must admit, i'm somewhat an anti-social person but i'm trying hard to be more sociable now. :)

Fell for a loser and got hurt in the process. But i am feeling great now. I think i'm proud to say i've gotten over him completely, thanks to great friends like Eddy, Stephanie, JM and u people out there :)

Wokay, anyone wants to date me now? :P

Million dollar question.

Why is Joan so lazy?
a. Cos she has a lot of things to do
b. Cos she has not enough time
c. Cos she has too many distractions
d. Cos she's just plain lazy. Period.

A lappie, finally!

Weee~~~~

Finally got a laptop of my own. As some of you already may know, the previous Dell laptop was causing so much problem that i had it returned and refunded. .After 2 months only Dell refund my money...-_-

Bro brought me to buy new lappie today, Lenovo SL400 :D
Don't ask me why i chose this cos it was bro's decision, i have zero knowledge on laptop and stuff. Thank god for big bro who settled everything for me :D

So far so good, hopefully it's better than Dell.

Come to think of it, i am blessed with great siblings and the best parents ever... So to Mick, Pete, and Vick, if you ever read my blog, i just wanna say thanks for being so patient with your lil sis :D

What to do with my life?

I cannot imagine myself in one year time, let alone 5 years. Honestly, i have zero sense of direction now, i've no idea what job will i take on next year, or what company i would apply to. Extremely hate it when people ask me "So, have you thought of which company to apply or what do u wanna work as?".

I actually hate what i'm studying now. I do, i'm not a health freak and i don't care what i'm eating. In fact, i'm the worst person to ask about nutrition and food. If you'd ask me why i took this course in the first place, i had no choice back then. It was either this or computer science in some stupid local uni.

I think my problem is that i have no clue what my talent is. My only hobby is reading and reading. I can't even play any sports, i'm bad with numbers, i have bad sense of direction, and i lose focus easily.

Geez, am i so terrible?

What is it with guys and twilight??

I just don't get it. Guys seem to loathe twilight. Is it cos they're jealous of the good looking vampires or the buffed up werewolves?
Ok ok, i gotta admit, their acting sucks, but who cares? lol. The actings in American Pie or Scary Movie were more worse, but guys seem to like watching these shows.

Uncle Lim even said "You've watched twilight? No wonder i can sense gayness from here" Lolx.

I got caught in the hype cos after all, which girl can resist this:


Or this:

*Faint*

Ai wei

Yes, that's me. A lot of people won't know that's my name cos they're so used to calling me Joan. But at home, my family and relatives call me Ai Wei. Some close frens occasionally call me Ai Wei too. It's a nice name isn't it? :P

Many find it weird that i have an english name in my IC but i'm not a christian. I am a Buddhist and proud to be one :D
I was told that it's my family tradition to have an english name, all my cousins surnamed Yee have an english name in their IC. Anyway, the name Joan was given by my dad. He said he wanted me to grow up to be as strong as Joan of Arc, considering that being the youngest child, i'm the most pampered and protected one in the family. I'm a cry baby, lol...yes, i am. My mum always says i have 'crying' eyes, i even have a big mole below my right eye (which to some Chinese masters meant eyes for crying)

Ironic. But i think my name got twisted somehow to Joanne, instead of Joan. Maybe that's why i dont have the power of Joan of Arc! That explains why i'm such an emotional and weak girl! :P

You see, my name got twisted to Joanne when i was in standard 1. During my first day in school, my class teacher (i still remember her name, Pn Sapura!) pronounced my name as Joe-An, just like how malay would pronounced it. And from that day on, everyone in class started calling me that, up until now. No one corrected that teacher for some reason and i myself got stuck with that name. I got so used to the name Joanne that i even introduce myself as Joanne. :D

Lol. So that's the history of my name. :D

Thanks Jm :)

Wee~~ i had a song dedicated to me (after so many others dedicated to her, jm, this was overdue!!! :P)
But just thought i wanna help to promote one of my closest buddies. Talented, humble, smart but awfully shy guy :P

I'm terrible at spicy food

Yesterday, i went over to my uni to study and renew a book. Came out and walk for an hour plus at the famous cheras wednesday pasar malam. Walked the whole street and decided to tapau Asam Laksa. I had this theory that the more spicy food you eat, the higher your tolerance towards spicy food. So, I thought i could practice my spicy-eating skill or whatever u call it.

To my horror, this asam laksa is the spiciest piece of stuff i've tasted! It's freaking spicy, for my standard. But i somehow managed to finish the whole stuff. Finished in an hour and throughout that time, tears automatically flowed out. lol. It is that bad, or should i say i am that bad.

Then the next morning, i went breakfast with mum. Along the way, while waiting at traffic light, i suddenly had the urge to lau sai! Yes, on the road while i'm driving. I was farting squirming all the way to the nearest petrol station. And the smart petrol station only has one toilet for female. Good thing it wasn't occupied. Took a good 20 mins in the toilet. And when i came out, a lady was waiting outside with a tulan very annoyed look. I think she must have a shock of her life when she entered the toilet. Lol. Maybe she could even smell the asam laksa. :P

So, to my dearest friends who thinks that i should eat more spicy food, this is why i won't.

Two sides of me

There are generally two sides of me.

The quiet, awkward, unfriendly and 'don't-talk-to-me' side. Some may even think i'm an arrogant because i may look very lansi. I'm like this with stangers or with friends i barely know. Maybe a lot of people are like that with strangers. I think people who barely know me will describe me as quiet, no-nonsense, and forgettable. The girl who does her own thing by herself and left as quickly as she came.

The other side of me, the real side is the talkative, sometimes crazy, friendly, wicked and playful side. This may sound odd for many but ask a few of my really really close friends, i think they'll say the same. I hope they will :) With the right person, i can talk for 5-6 hours straight. So far, i've found 3 person whom i can really talk to with no boundaries and limits.

It'll take me two years for the real side to show, on average. So, if i just knew you and i barely talk, that's because i'm putting on a shield. You haven't seen the real me yet. I was like that in form 6. Took me one and half year to get to know my classmates. Ironically, i got closer to them AFTER school was over, when we hang out late at nights at mamaks, or msn chat :)

So, if i'm quiet around you, don't worry, it's not that you're boring :P
Get to know me better and you'll see the other side...hehe...

WinRarrrrr!!!

I've triumph over him. Lol...Feel so proud of myself :D
Rejected his request to see me twice! Not that i'm arrogant or egoistic but i've made a deal, and i'll stick to the deal..Sucker like him doesn't deserve any of my time...muahaha... :P

Hehe...anyway, went to ikea with sis last saturday to buy some wall shelves and organiser for our makeup/skincare stash. It's getting really messy, especially when the room is really small. But we ended up getting a bookshelf instead cos it's more practical and sturdier. Hehe..a bookshelf to put our makeup/skincare stuffs. It's really long, approx 2 meter in height.

Because the bookshelf we bought was from the "As is" section (where they sell display units at cheaper price) it was already assembled. However, the staff told us that we can dissemble it easily so that we can bring it back in my small little kelisa. This is when the dumbest thing happened. We tried to dissemble with whatever tools provided by ikea but we still couldn't. Then, the smart sis said "Maybe we can try to put it in the car and see". So we went down to our carpark, and i drove the car to pickup area (where all visitors will come in from carpark). We tried to move the shelf in for about half an hour but failed. Imagine all the eyes watching us. Malu betul!

In the end, we had to call sos. Called big bro to come all the way to help us move into his myvi. :D
Thank god for him. If not, sis and i will prolly buy a saw in ikea and cut down the shelf :P

I couldnt help but laugh when big bro said to sis "And you call yourself a team lead??" Lol. XD

New found motivation!

I keep seeing people post on fb or on msn - "Two is better than one". Must be the Taylor Swift duet song with erm..some boyband.. Forgot who already. You know, seriously, that song makes people more emo. Yea, it's nice yada yada but emo songs like that can make people depressed and suicidal.

Not saying me obviously. I'm okay now...really..i'm not so emo anymore. I even have the courage to agree to meet him, to settle stuffs and all. I don't want to make one more enemy, and it's always good to have more friends. :)
But anyway, we both agree to meet but at the last minute guess what? Yeap, he ffk again. The reason given was, he has to cut hair. Wth right?? Seriously, couldn't he have given a better reason? He couldn't even be bothered to come out with a better excuse.

From then on, i've promised not to meet him anymore. I think i've given him enough chances. No point wasting my time when the other party couldn't be bothered. Anyway, i've made a deal with Eddy that if i don't meet him for one year, eddy will spend me any food i want. :D

So, it shall be one year from 15th Nov 2009. Save your money, Eddy. I will succeed! :D

Anyway, had a wake up call this week after talking to my sis (i've never told her this, but she's my role model!) and a pretty successful but humble guy. I need to seriously focus on my studies already. I pretty much screw up my second year, so i need to get excellent results from now on to get first class honours. Cgpa 4.0 is out of the question now, i can only hope for first class honours. By excellent i mean, i need to get A+ for all my 3 remaining subjects, and get 80% and above for my thesis. Tough, i know, but i think if i push myself hard enough, i might accomplish.

My daily mission to accomplish on Nov 2009:
1) Study at least 3 hours
2) Research at least 3 hours
3) Jog at least 30 mins
4) Max limit of 2 hours online
5) Sleep latest by 2am (This is toughest of all!)

Weekends are of course for outings and family time :D

Beginning is always the hardest. Let's hope i can stick to this plan.

My driving skill

Yea, i know i suck in driving. Lol.. I'm not exactly the most horrible driver on earth but i'm not the best either.

I know nothing about cars, gears, engine etc etc. I can't even drive a manual car!
I would say i'm a very very careful driver. I make sure there's at least 1 meter between my car and the car in front. I absolutely hate tail gating drivers and i get phobia when i sit in my friend's car who tail gates. I would step so hard on the floor, as if there's an imaginary brake. Lol. And my friend will look at me like i'm crazy and started laughing. Blame it on a car accident few years back.

But i drive decently fast on highway, i can't stand drivers who hog the fast lane. Anyway, i brought my car to fix today and i just realised i suck in car stuffs. Then it suddenly occur to me i need a friend who knows about car (so i won't get extorted the next time i bring my car to fix). And guess what? That bugger pops into my mind. Lol. Unintentionally.. It's just that whenever i have car or computer problems, i'll ask his opinion. Well, put in handphone, camera, golfing problems for that matter too. Lol. He is a very resourceful person. He knows a bit of everything, which is good. Anyway, back to the topic. Another evident i'm bad in driving is that i have a terrible sense of direction. Two years in Cheras but i still don't know how to get to KL city from Cheras. I can even get lost in Shah Alam. Lol.. Yes, i am bad...

I think it's the gene again.

It's over...

Hehe..my presentation is finally over. What a big relieve... Gonna have 3 weeks break until Dec 5th for my final exam for one subject....

I drank till i threw up yesterday..lol..
I wasn't exactly very drunk, just tipsy but i think i threw up cos i didn't had anything to eat before drinking. Good thing i managed to run to toilet in time.

No, i'm not drinking cos i'm sad. I'm drinking cos yesterday was so much fun. Don't worry people, i'm ok now, i'll hold on to my vows...
I guess this is part of life. It's also a good thing cos now i have the experience already :)

For now, let's go enjoy before i start burning the midnight oil 3 weeks later! hehe..call that last minute... :D

Presentation Day!

Another two more days to my thesis proposal presentation on Friday.
Good thing mine is on the last day cos i've been procrastinating a lot. Just started to draft out my speech now. Sorry for being so emotional the past few days.

I've vowed to myself that 'I won't let him see me fall!'. I won't fall, i won't be so emotionally driven, i will FOCUS on my future. Suckers like him doesn't deserve my tears and sweat! Funny thing is, until now he's still acting dumb, like as if he doesn't know what is happening. Still asking me why i ask him to leave me alone and don't find me anymore. What is wrong with people like him? I mean, why does he still finds me when he already has a gf. Such a blow to my ego! As if he's showing off or something. I seriously felt like i've been played. So stupid of me!

All this time i was thinking, whether i should let go or tell him the truth, i thought i had the upper hand. But suddenly he tells me he's dating another girl. Imagine my shock and anger. I mean if you don't like me, stop wasting my time, stop playing with me! Stop giving me stupid hints and false hope!

And you know? At the very end of all this, he says "I hope we still can be good friends like before". If he was in front of me at that time, i swear i would have strangled him. Idiotic acting dumb player! Yes, i labeled him as player cos i wasn't his first victim. Should have learn from his history.

Anyway, don't worry people. I'm fine now. Just wanna focus on my studies now. :D
Btw, wish me luck for my presentation on Friday! :D

New Skin!

Decided to change the old skin cos too boring and too confusing. Took me a few hours to decide the skin, downloaded a few but had problems with the coding. Hehe... so after consultation with uncle Lim, Eddy and Jian Ming, i decided to choose this. Easy, simple and minimal.

The old template caused me so much trouble. I can't use the widgets function, cant edit the layout unless i change the html. So much problem.

Anyway, just a short update here.
I quit from playing the game, and trying to solve the puzzle. For that puzzle has found another new puzzle. Yea, and in the process, i got burned. Pretty bad, i think. I'm just pissed at myself for falling for sucker like him. Should have seen it coming after all the advice given by Eddy and Jian Ming. So stupid of me, felt like i've been played.

I'm an idiot for falling for a sucker like him. Just wish that this won't screw up my thesis proposal presentation this Friday.

Blog's not dead yet!

Surprise! i'm back...

sorry for the long absence....really have no motivation to blog anymore. And lazy too.
The last few months was somewhat a downtime for me. But i shall not blog about sad stuff...

It's already october now, and i'm gonna get older soon...23 is such an old number. lol.
Currently, i'm sort of busy with my thesis. Yea, only sort of. I still have the luxury to sleep for one whole day, and not do anything but sleep, watch tv, and online (like today!).

And i got myself a laptop! WEE~~~~
All thanks to my big bro, Mickael and dad... *big grin*
Sometimes, i just wish the family can stay intact in one piece. Communication is almost non-existent in my family. I can't remember the last time all of us sat down and eat and talk happily... Yes, we do go out eat for dinner on special occasions but we don't talk that much anymore.. :( But well, i guess ppl grow apart as they grow older. It's inevitable.

I online everyday now, and go to lowyat forum everyday. I'm addicted to it already... -_-"'
September was the most emo month of the year. Everything just didn't seem right and i was constantly in a bad mood. And the reason? Because of misunderstanding with someone. It's so tiring to play guessing games and figuring the other person. Doesn't help that the other person is so complicated and emotionally-withdrawn. I should have listen to Eddy back then. And the worst thing is, i'm still playing the game.

My friend once told me "I can't help it, i'm just addicted to solving the puzzles!". I guess that's what's happening to me now. Unless i solve the mystery and puzzle, i will still be stuck in this game. While i'm playing the game, i know i need to be careful of the fire and the outcome, of course. Heck, what am i trying to say here?? Suddenly got fire, games and all.... lol

Anyway, i've decided to adopt the 90/10 principles into my life. We can't control 10% of events in our lives, but we can control the other 90%. Just basically telling us how to control the situation, which i'm really bad in. You can google if wanna know more about this....
lol, sorry, i'm lazy to find for you. Hopefully, i can become a more controlled person, and less driven by emotion. :)

One step at a time...

Lost my hp...

hey friends,

Today is the unfateful day that i lost my phone.
I was 18 when i got my first phone ( i use my one month salary to get it!). Then, 2 years later, i lost it. Then i got a cheap nokia phone (my bro's spare hp), those old old super big nokia phones. Finally last year my bro bought me a new phone for my 21st birthday. The phone was not even a year..
In 4 years time, i lost 2 phones. kanasai.

Lol. But it's ok la... I'm gonna get a cheap phone already, don't want an expensive phone. No one's gonna steal an old big, and no value nokia phone.

I'm gonna buy Toto, my hp number and today's date. Lol.
9758 and 1307. Don't say i never tell you.

Moved!

It's been two weeks since i last moved. Most hectic two weeks ever, and stressful.
I think i've lost some weight :D

It's exam week now.. What a bad timing to move.

Can't believe it's gonna be July soon. There goes half of 2009.

I can't sleep early nowadays. Even if i have morning 8am class the next day, i will still sleep at 2-3am. It's not that i'm that busy but it's just that i cant get used to sleeping early. Usually will be half awake in morning class. Grr...hate morning class so much. Why do people have to sleep and wake up so early?

And if there's morning exam, my brain will only start to think halfway through the exam. Thank goodness morning exams are only for quizzes and midterm.

So, this is it...

We're moving end of this weekend!

Frankly, i don't like my new house, it's so much smaller and the neighborhood sucks. The malays there are so different from the malays back in section 11. I would say they're more racist and unfriendly... Oh well, i don't have any choice..

Anyway, none of my friends know where is my new house is but it's still in Shah Alam, 10 minutes ride from my old house. Maybe after we've settled down and everything, there will be a housewarming. MAYBE. But not so soon.

Shah Alam folks, if you guys wanna lend a hand this weekend to help me move, you're very much welcome :)

Klang folks, stay tune for more info...hehe

Others, please do pick up the phone when i call ok.

Holidays....not!

70% of my friends are having holidays now..
Public U and Utar students are on holiday now.. Next week school students are having 2 weeks holiday. Which means my parents are gonna have holidays too.

But not me :(
2 weeks to moving into new house, supposedly moving in in mid of June, if all goes according to plan. I know i'm gonna miss the old house. 22 years in the same room, same house.
I will miss the neighbors, the 5-times-a-day screaming surau near my house, the quiet peaceful neighborhood, the jam-less town, the dead city during CNY, but most of all, i'm gonna miss the convenient. My old house main gate has never been closed for 22 years. Every since i can remember, the gate has stayed open everyday, 24/7. Anyone can walk into my house garden and steal whatever plants they want. Such a convenient to park my car, screw automatic gates or maid to open it. Just leave it open like my house. :D

I'm not at home to help my mum pack the stuff, only have the weekend to help out.
But i'm still available on weekends night, so people on holiday, u still can call me out. :)

Tiring day...

Yes, it's 3.18am now and i'm still awake.
I'm waiting for my hair to dry so i can sleep and won't get headache the next morning.
And i have a class tomorrow morning at 9am.

Why do i bathe this late? I just got home.
This morning went out to British Council in KL to accompany my uni friends to register for IELTS. So, we took LRT but we didn't know where to stop or how to go (my smart ass friend didn't google the direction, she only has the address) and we asked the ticket counter lady. The stupid lady told us to stop after KLCC station, which is at Ampang Park. So, we blindly followed her directions. You see, KLCC stops come first, then comes Ampark stop, which means the ticket is also more expensive. The problem is here: look at the circled thing in the map.

That's where we had to go. But instead of coming down in KLCC, we drop down at Ampang Park. Which means, we had to walked for 20 mins and in addition, pay extra for tickets!! Stupid counter lady. We were so pissed when we reach that place and realise we had been conned into walking. Not to mention it was 12.30pm in the hot scorching sun. I could so kill the lady if i see her next time.

After the visit to British Council, we walked(again) to KLCC to drop by at the International Beauty Expo (IBE). Spent a few hours there and went home as a contented girl (not happy, just content). Bought a few stuffs like ampoules at dirt cheap price (usual RM30, but here RM13!), and some masks. My friend was pissed he couldn't get the Swarkopf hair wax that he wanted cos it was sold out (he actually saw 2 guys grabbing like a dozen of it until the very last one). Don't blame them as it was damn good deal, buy one free one!

I had the most hotdogs in my life today. I ate 2 huge 1901 hotdogs in within 30 minutes. Coincidentally, it was 19th of the month, so the hotdogs were very cheap, only RM1.99 for a huge New York Chicken Hotdogs. It was actually such a crowd to the extend that we had to take numbers! Waited for 30 minutes for them.

Spent a few hours more in KLCC and took lots of silly pictures in KLCC park. Will upload soon :)
Then, came back to Cheras to fetch another friend for mamak. Crapped for a few more hours until we decided to call it a day at 2.45am.

Okay. Now my hair is completely dry and time for sleep!
Shoot, it's 3.53am now.

Konichiwa!

I started my Japanese class last saturday with my sis in SS15 and it wasn't as bad as i thought will be... :)

We were late for 20 mins for the class, so we miss the introduction but the teacher was kind enough to go slow. In my first lesson, i learn the basics like greetings, numbers and basic Japanese writing called Hiragana. It was alright, i still can catch up.

On friday, i went to this book warehouse in PJ, section 13 and i returned home as a damn happy girl :D

Weirdly named as Big Bad Wolf Books Sale, this is one of the BEST book warehouse sale i've ever been. I bought 6 books for RM45! And they're all new, best sellers books like Jeffry Acher's The innocent man (RM8), James Patterson's books and tons of cookbooks!! The only thing i'm not happy about is that they have so limited chicklits!! Worst of all, not even one book from my all time favourite author, Sidney Sheldon. :(

Anyway, i just got a big bomb today from mum. The house is oficially sold, and we have to move out in a month! Family now is in so much stress. Everyone in my family have their own attitude problem. And if u think i have some attitude, you have got to meet my family. I've never liked going back to Cheras room as much as now. Cheras is my haven for now. Yes, i am bad.

My body is going haywire

Last week, i didn't poo for 4 days and it was the first time i had constipation for this year. I went to bought laxatives from 7-Eleven and gulp down two pills. The next morning, everything came out. So, i thought that's it, i'm going back to normal.

Then this week, again, didn't poo for 3 days and i got really worried. I thought it might be menstrual constipation since my period is gonna come soon. Yes people, there is such thing as menstrual constipation. Few days before period, girls usually have constipation, and when period is here, out comes everything. But no, it wasn't because of period cos i just had diarheaa today!
Constipation yesterday and today diarheaa, and i didn't eat any laxatives this time around.
It feels like shit (pun unintended) when all you wanna do yesterday was to sit at the loo to get everything out, and today all u wanna do is no more toilet visit.

Grr...something is wrong with my body! I'll give it another week to see what happened.

Btw, on a happier note, got my new glasses! Went to watch 'Sell Out' today in Mi9dvalley and despite all the International Awards it won, this is still afterall, a Malaysian film. Storyline was terrible, and did it sold the audience out? Nope, cos there were only 20 people at max in the cinema. But, i have to give credit to the nice songs, and great lead actress (Jerrica Lai) and the handsome lead actor. Would i recommend it? Yes, to support local film industry but no if you don't have RM9 bucks to spend. I'd give it 5/10.

New glasses!

My new semester timetable is very weird. Taking four subjects this semester. I have no class on tuesday, and one pathertic one-hour-class on wednesday.
Thursday and Friday are jam packed with classes and labs.

So today, tuesday i was damn free. No class and don't know what to read yet. Not to mention it was freaking freaking hot day!! So hot that i just wanna get out of my room and go somewhere with air cond.

Hehe..so i went to Econsave to buy groceries and vege. And in the process, i saw this optical shop selling glasses at RM138 (Frame + lens) with multicoat lens etc etc. Complete full lens la.. And since my power increase already, i thought this is the best time to get it!

My new glasses is in purple...Wee~~~

Was left with RM50 to get groceries and the rest to feed my car.
And i spent RM200 today.

Shit. I just spent my one month allowance today.

New Skin....under construction

Yeap..got a new blog skin. The old pinkish one was too pinkish for me now. Growing older, sigh...
pink somehow makes me older than i am.

Anyway, a very big thanks to uncle Lyk for helping me fix the coding. Thanks :) I owe u one penyek. :D

The sidebar is still under construction. Will put up the links and all once i have the time.

Pls drop a comment on what u think of this new skin.
Thanks guys!

Result...

My result is out. I did very badly last semester. I'm quite disappointed but i know i didn't do enough. Out of 4 subjects, i only got one A. The rest are B's and B+.

And UCSI has this stupid policy that only second and third year subjects are counted for CGPA and honours grading. Which means all my straight A's from first year didnt count at all!!

Grrr...

So, far i've taken 6 second year subjects. And i only got 2 A's, the rest are all B+ and B's.
Now, that's real shit. I must buckle up and work hard this semester.

I wanna get all A's for all the 4 subjects i'm taking this semester!
My aim is to get first class honours cos 4.0 is pretty much out of sight.
Sigh...i've become so incompetent.

New semester, new begining hopefully..

My holiday is over :(
Starting the new semester this week but still lazy to go back Uni.
Will be going back tomorrow..

Went to watch Wolverine yesterday with Eddy yesterday after picking him up from bus station. After movie, we went to eat and had a really good chat with him. Somehow, his advices brought me back to my senses and i started to think again. *Thanks Eddy for advices on how to deal with guys like him*

I used to be so content with being alone, by myself. I could go watch movie alone, shop alone, spend the rest of the week alone and i felt satisfied with that. But lately, i can't seems to go anywhere alone without having the feeling of people staring at me and think "Poor lonely girl... such a pity to do all that alone". Maybe it has got to do with age or maybe because all my close friends are not by my side anymore.

And i realised that's the reason why i resorted to finding him whenever i felt lonely. But after time, we became very close and i soon discover i might be falling for him. And the fact that he's willing to drive all the way to Cheras to find me on weekend when i was lonely (all 13 housemates were not in) makes me fall one step deeper. But truth is, i'm not sure how he felt towards me, i get mixed signals from him. He's hot and cold. Sometimes i just felt like wanna stranggle him for being so bloody insensitive and ego. Yes, he's ego like me. Which is another reason why we cannot be together. But the main reason is that i don't know whether to trust him or not. Of all 10 friends i ask, almost all said he's not trustable and not a good guy. But the idiot in me says i should trust him. I know, i'm playing with fire.

But after the long chat, i'm half-heartedly letting go of the feelings . Yes, half, not fully. I think i still need time to think everything again. Take one step at a time, slow and steady. Time will tell.

For that to happen,

I have to stop being so emotional.
I have to start to think with my head, not with my heart.
I have to think what's best for MYSELF.

holiday again..

Holiday has never been such a relieved to me until now. What a semester.
It's the first time for my whole uni life that i felt seriously pressured and demotivated.
I'm just so very thankful it's over. Hopefully, next semester will be better.

Anyway, i'm having one week holiday now. Yea, just a pathetic one week. Start new semester on first week of May. And because it's only a short one week, i've decided not to work. :D
Yesterday was a very very productive day. Went to fix the car, call up ptptn, went for facial, gym and yoga classes.

At night, received a call from Auntie saying Ah Kong got admitted to ICU. Doc says if he get to pass through this 24 hours, he'll be more stable but told us to prepare for the worst. We sort of knew it's about time for him too cos he has been seeing things and saying sorry to the maid. But as of now, 2.10pm, he's still here. But doc said even if he survive this 24 hrs, we're just lengthening his suffering.

Truth be told, i wasnt that close to Ah kong. Mum's dad. Only visit him once a month and usually doesnt talk much. Ah Kong is a very quiet person. But i'm sad to see mum getting sad. When my mum's godmother pass away end of the year last year, it was a 'happy' one cos she lived till 103 years old and she once told us, it's time for her to go. So, we were all very very prepared.
I guess it's the same thing for Ah Kong too. At least i believe if we let him go, he can go peacefully without anything left in the world to worry about.

Snap me out of it!

Finals are coming soon. Another 4 more days!! And i'm only 20% there.
I'm gonna screw up this semester...seriously.

I can't focus. Been sleeping, dreaming and sleeping again. Thinking so much nonsense now, real utter nonsense. I need to get that focus back and need it real soon! Counting down to my dooms day. Someone pls snap me out of it!

I need some serious scolding.

My msn list

I just finished reorganising my msn list cos there were too many people that is unknown to me, but still in my list. So, i've created 4 groups and deleted the unimportant people (Sorry!).

1. Family
2. Close Friend - There are 25 ppl in this group.
3. UCSI people
4. Others

Close friend are those that i chat with 99% of the time. So, i would say these are the people that really matters in my life, along with family of course. Well, not all 25 i chat with all the time, some are old friends that once were my soulmates, but lost touch over the years. But they still matters to me. :)

Others are people that i'm not quite sure where i should put them, and i don't have the heart to delete.

My msn list tells where's your position in my life.
Crap, my life is just like MSN. Gets disconnected on and off just like me.

One side of the story.

I've finally figured out something.

I think the problem with me is that i always make a conclusion too fast. I didn't give the other party a chance to clarify and explain themselves. And i sometimes listen to one side of the story.
I realised that yesterday when i confronted that person i mentioned in my last post. The explanation given was very logical and acceptable, under that circumstances. So, i believed that person and i'm trying hard to salvage the friendship, which i think it's not much damaged cos both parties were cool and okay about it. But nonetheless, i hold to my opinion that that person is my 'drug'. As in i know she/he is toxic and hazardous but i can't live without it.

I've always avoided problems instead of solving them. A number of my friends told me that before and i know it's wrong. But i just can't confront and face the problems. So, yesterday was a big step for me. I think i've faced the problem appropriately. I think.

Maybe i should do the same with my uni friends. But it's hard cos so much had happened and i don't know where to start. I did so much mistakes that i don't have the courage to correct and rectify them.

And i get very defensive when people say i'm wrong. Sometimes, i know i'm wrong, but i can't admit it but instead, i defend my position by justifying my actions. It's like "die die also must say i'm right". It's wrong, i know. Do u think i'm ego? I should just admit my mistakes, and apologise, right? I'm just stubborn and ego.

I think it's in my blood. In fact, i think my whole family is like that. We don't talk about our problems, but instead we avoid it. It just seems like a normal thing to do. See what i mean? i'm justifying my egoness and stubbornness again.

Just a phase.

I know. Havent blog for ages.
Just feel so pointless to put down all my thoughts and feelings in here.
So many things had happened. Moved to Cheras, got more and more emo. Probably due to the fact that i have nobody there.

Roommate is ok, very quiet, mind her own business. Barely talk to her. Other housemates are the same. Everyone just mind their own business.
We have our own everything, toilet tissue, dishwasher, detergents etc. Can you imagine 10 people living the house and there's 10 detergents? 10 dishwasher? 10 toilet rolls. 10 everything.

Doesn't help that i had cold wars with my uni friends recently, but things are at least better now. On talking terms but not exactly talking laughing.

Didn't intend to blog about all that cos my blog is already very gloomy but today is just the final straw. I've always thought that no matter what happens there, i'll still have my loyal friends back home, but today something happened and it just hit me. Well, i know that i'll still have good, true and loyal friends but today, i felt like i just lost one.

I feel like i'm nobody to someone important back home. Someone whom i thought will always be a shoulder to cry on and that i can rely on. But today, it just hit me, and i finally realised what others had been trying to tell me. It's not as if it's a sudden realisation from god etc but something happened today.
What i'm feeling right now is like Rihanna's Rehab.

'Cause anytime that you needed me
I'd be there
It's like You were my favorite drug
The only problem is That you was using me
In a different way That I was using you

Yea. I felt i've been used. When that someone ask me to accompany, the very moment itself i said yes, regardless of what i was doing or going to do. But when i ask, i got a reply of one word sms "Later" and i replied, "huh? What time?"
and then no more. No more reply. Got me thinking and waiting, what is this supposed to mean?

3-4 hours later, a call came from that person and in the background, i could hear joyous laughter and all that was said was "i replied to the wrong person". And that person wasn't even apologetic, but infact was laughing!

Maybe i'm being emotional here but when i think back, i realised it's not the first time. Time and time again, that person backed out on me the very last minute. I realised that whenever that person need someone, i'm always there. In a minute.

But it's the opposite with me. That person is always not there when i need someone. I always make excuses for that person. Maybe just too busy, or didnt notice etc but today just proved i'm wrong all these while.

I seriously hope i'm wrong cos i dont wanna lose a good friend. Felt like i've already lost my uni friends, and now this. Friends are getting lesser and lesser.

Hm...i'm hoping this is just a growing phase for me. A phase for me to learn things, understand things and hopefully, this phase would be better soon. Keep on telling myself, this will past, it's all just a process of growing emotionally. This WILL past.

Soon hopefully.

Happy Niu Year

Happy moo moo year everyone! Anyone wanna invite me to their house for CNY? hehe..i'm available all the time..

Anyway, here's the 2009 Horoscopes for Year of the OX :)

I google it up, so dont blame me if it doesnt come true ya... xP

RAT
This year is a stable year for family life and will be a joyful year. Career wise the rats will take on more responsibilities and will feel the pressure of the extra duties. A good year of steady progress.

TIGER:
This is the year for keeping a low profile, tigers. Because of the slow pace of the OX year, it will be a frustrating time for you. You like things to be move quicker, you will need to show restraint.

RABBIT:
The year of the OX is well suited to the rabbit nature. The slower pace of this year will see you spending more time with friends and family. A good year to upgrade your home, or for buying or selling a house.

Dragon:
In business and in romance your word for this year is integrity. Keep your head down and you will make steady progress this year. Established relationships will be comfortable and easy during this year of the OX. A slow but sure progress will be made.

SNAKE:
A very good year for Snakes! The steady pace of the OX year is well suited to the snake person. Act on an opportunity - this is your year.

HORSE:
Although you are rearing to surge ahead, this is another year of caution for the horse. Not a good year to strike out in new directions, consolidate your positions instead. On the brighter side, Love will bring comfort this year.

SHEEP:
The Ox is the direct opposite of the sheep, therefore expect challenges in all areas this year. Keep a low profile.

MONKEY:
This is a year of moderate progress for monkeys. Work will slow down this year allowing the monkey more personal time. It also allows for quality time with friends and family.

ROOSTER:
Great opportunities for rooster this year. A good time to recoup losses. You will make great progress at work, reaping rewards of your labor. Emotional ties bring joy. Your prestige and reputation increase.

DOG:
A year for dogs to keep a low profile. Put more attention into matters at home, spending quality time with loved ones. The simple pleasures will bring happiness this year.

PIG:
A year for the pig to follow his/her instinct, laying foundations for the future. This is a bright and hopeful year for the pig. Do not take unnecessary risks though.

I've evolved

From my first post back in 2004 until now, i've really grown up.
The way i blog last time was shall i say, kiddy and whiny. Lol.
I used to blog about my holidays, my work experience etc. You know, boring stuff like that. Hehe..what do you expect, i was 17 at that time...

But the weird thing is that my English last time was better than now. Well, that's what i think.

I used to have a diary back when i was 10 years old. A real diary, handwritten and sometimes filled with silly artworks. I had it up until i was form 5 then i decided to give it up cos i found blogging is way 'cooler'. Lol. But of course there are limitations to blogging. Like you can't post about your fantasies, bitchings about friends, crushes u had on ur frens private matters.

I even had names for all my 6 diaries! (one for each year) Lol.
You could say they were my best friends at that time. haha. From those diaries, i found out who was my first crush when i was 10 years old, my first bag, my first period (yes, i even wrote this down!), my favourite cartoon (Rugrats!), and even my first birthday present!

No, i won't reveal all that here. It's really funny reading those silly "omg, XXX stares at me in skool today!". I wrote everything down. Back then, all that matters to me was what score i got for maths, or what XXX was wearing on 'Hari Kanak-Kanak', or daydreaming about Boyzone singing a song for me. Lol. Those were the days, huh?

Now, everything is different. Everyone has grown up, friends drifted apart, some has changed, some has not. I have changed. For better, i hope. It takes effort to maintain friendships.

So, if you think you have not say 'hi' to me for a long time, it's time to do so!!! :D

Dysfunctional

I think i've a dysfunctional family. I'd like to think i don't have one.
In fact, i'm those people who will pity other dysfunctional family and silently thank god that my family is normal. But with so many things that happened lately, i can't ignore that fact.

I'm not gonna show and tell here. I was brought up with 'family matters are for family only' mentality. No matter how close you are with me, you'll never gonna know about my family problems. Sure, i might tell u the surface of it, but not the whole thing. So, please don't ask, i will tell you if u buy me Rihanna's ticket i feel like telling.

Just feel like ranting. But on a happier note, Congrats Eddy for finding the love of his life! We're all happy for you :)

I wanna go Rihanna's concert.

I've been finding people to join me but no luck yet.

Nobody seems to be interested! Why???? Rihanna's so hot!
I dont understand...

For those of you who don't know she's coming here:


Anyone wants to join me?? I'm thinking of getting the RM158 one if i were to go:



But RM158 one is free standing arenas. I have a feeling i will get squash by the crowd.
Alternative: Wear 5 inch heels or bring a chair!

But anyway, need to find ppl go with me first.

Anyone?? *Big pleading eyes*

My first time.

Went to Euphoria yesterday night with Sui Jing and her friends.
Hehe..was excited cos the first time going clubbing.
Yes, pathetic i know. 22 years old. I feel so old there.

Seriously, the people over were like 18, or 19.
But anyway, it was fun there. Euphoria is the only club around which is non-smoking.

Perfect for me cos i absolutely hate the smell of smoke. Hate going to those mamak with a lot of ppl smoking. End up have to wash hair again after mamak. Spoils the fun la..

But one thing though, yesterday's music was kind of weird. Maybe that's how trance and techno sounds like but i dont like it. Prefer RnB and Pop. At least can feel the beat. But the dance floor damn keng la.

The dancefloor vibrates to the music. Seriously, it moves! haha... my fren couldnt stand properly in her high heels.

But one thing that seriously irritates me was that some guys like to go behind girls and gyrate their balls to the girls ass when she's dancing. Really annoying.

I find that so irritating. Come on, we just wanna dance. Give us a break man..
Just so pervert.

But all in all, it was alright. Free cover charge plus a free drink cos it was ladies night.
Anyone going clubbing, call me! lol. I'm beginning to feel i'm converted.

Grr.. First rage in 2009

Stupid Toyota dickhead. If you don't know how to drive, don't drive a big car, u stupid dickhead.

Grr... never felt so angry before in this new year.

Stupid Toyota dickhead PakCik honked so loud as if it was the end of the world.
I was inside post office at that time.

Came out to checked and nope, my car wasnt blocking him at all. In fact, he has ample space to reverse. I only blocked the car next to him. I even put my HP number on the screen just in case.

But nope, that dickhead decided to honk for 10 mins non-stop. Didnt bother about it cos i wasnt blocking him! Went in again and continue with my stuff.

Then, one guy came up to me and say "excuse me, i think your car is blocking the other car." and i was like "huh, what car is that? Oh, nvm" then i dash out. And on the way out, i bumped into another dickhead who didnt see the walkway properly.

Came out to repark my car but was so angry cos it was so embarassing. The whole post office kept looking at me as if i'm some irresponsible jerk who double park and doesnt give a damn.

But the fact is, that stupid idiot dickhead doenst know how to reverse his car. So much space. even a lorry could reverse. Stupid dickhead with Kopi 'O' license. Probably paid thousands to get his license cos he's such a dickhead.

Hello, u think u're so big ah?
Want people to purposely repark their car so u could reverse ur car in style?
Stupid dickead who thinks he's so big cos he's a malay. F**king dickhead.

Sorry, not being racist here but i bet that stupid pakcik thinks he's really big.
Dickhead.

Happy New year 2009!!

I've decided not to make any resolutions this year.
My new year has been pretty boring so far.

Celebrated the new year in The curve with Shah Alam friends.
It was alright but i prefer to do it in someone's house, rather than a noisy place.
It could be better if not for the crowd. Just tooooo many people for my liking.

The first day of new year was spent at home, cleaning up my room.
Like they say, 'fresh' start to the new year!

Second day was busy running errands for mum. Paying bills, banking and stuff like that.
Third day which is today. Spent the whole day online :)

Gonna start class next week. :(
Ok, Happy New Year everyone!